Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
