2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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