I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
did you just send me my own nude
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
