these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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