My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
