we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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