I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize