Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
