Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
