In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
