i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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