I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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