i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
