whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
