stop calling my apartment porn island.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
