I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
