I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize