super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
