I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
