i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
