After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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