I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
