glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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