Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
