If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
