I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
