dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
