Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
