five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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