I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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