And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
