he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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