im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
