There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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