another moral hangover. fuck.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
