I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
