You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
