is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
