I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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