I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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