he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
