That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
