Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
