I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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