We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
