It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize