Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
