why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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