we have pet lesbian snakes
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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