just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
