yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
