We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
