who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
where are my eyebrows?
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