New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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