I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
