he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
