Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize