All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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