So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
