Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
