You're so nebulous sometimes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
