never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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