my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
