he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
