Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
