Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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