Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
