mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm really into asian looking animals
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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