wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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