She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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