I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
