Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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