My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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