Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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