She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
