Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
