Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize