I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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