I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
