You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sacagawea was the original milf.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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