Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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