mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
